I often have one too many beers at barbecues and have daft ideas, but this was one of the silliest – and perhaps the most dangerous.
My friend Natalie runs the Dartmoor Pony Training Centre near Moretonhampstead. It's an excellent charity run on a very tight budget, and it's one that I feel people can make a huge difference to with the occasional fundraising event. Last year, a friend and I attempted (and failed) to eat 30 cream teas as a fundraiser, and I'm still a sucker for ponies and daft ideas.
So it was inevitable that when I ended up at a barbecue with Natalie at the pony centre, with a couple of beers and Jagermeisters inside me, that I'd think of something to give me nightmares. We talked about the pony centre's open day and car boot sale, and I got it into my head that the big field we were sitting in would be a great venue for a cricket match on the day.
After beer, this doesn't sound like too bad an idea. It's a field used for grazing so the grass tends to be long, but it was being mown a week or so before the open day, so it shouldn't be too bad. Just a case of turning up and mowing a strip. Dead easy.
Even so there are some causes for concern in there. The field is used for grazing. Lots of nice hoof-shaped holes for the ball to rear up out of, then? And yes, it's being mown... by a big agricultural mower that will leave ruts that might just cause a little uneven bounce here and there. But perhaps the biggest worry was the fact that a car boot sale would be taking place in the same field. Either someone was going to get horribly injured, or we'd get sued. Ah, it'll be fine.
On each of the two days before the match, I headed up to the centre with some string, a tape measure, a tin of paint and a garden lawnmower and painstakingly cut the grass, measured the pitch and painted the lines. Amazingly, I managed to do a pretty good job, and if you don't believe me, here it is:
Although the edge on the right hasn't been finished at this stage, you can quite clearly see the contrast of the long grass on the outfield, the mown square and then a rather natty-looking pitch. I was rather chuffed with my work, in fact. I bowled half a dozen balls from each end – groundsman's professional interest, you understand – and found that one end offered inconsistent and high bounce, while the other end grubbed and slowed. Could be fun.
The only problem we had now was that DPTC still didn't have a team. We went in to Moretonhampstead Carnival and asked around everyone of roughly the right age if they'd be up for a game, and got a few hopeful responses. The Herald Express kindly offered to run an article for me, and we had a couple of phone calls as a result. But we still weren't sure how many players we'd actually have; the prospect of us turning up and not being able to have a game still loomed. We hoped to round some players up on the day.
I arrived early on the day to give the pitch one final mow and to lay the boundary, and was a little horrified to find that the car boot sale was taking place inside the boundary we'd talked about; instead of being at the end of the field, it was along the side. This could be dangerous indeed. We had a little success in rounding up a few players, and finally worked out two seven-a-side teams. I'd captain a team of Cavaliers members and regulars, while the irregulars and Chris Hammond, who had joined us from Paignton in response to the Herald's article, would play for DPTC under the captaincy of Joe Canti. Chris Hammond and I would score; Alan and Andy would umpire. I put Alan (my Dad) on the DPTC team by mistake, despite him being a club member. It turned out to be a crucial decision.
Joe won the toss and elected to bat. Chris Hammond opened the batting, facing Andy from the livelier Moretonhampstead end, and was bowled through the gate second ball. Alan squinted for a moment and then called a generous 'no ball'. Chris, who had responded with astonishment when I'd declared a rule of 'no hard hits towards the cars', clouted the first ball of James's first over in the general direction of the cars, then kept the strike for most of the next four overs, hammering 24 quick runs before being bowled by James. Next ball Chip bowled poor Frank Boyle, who had barely faced a ball, for a duck, and at 26-2 DPTC looked in trouble. Both sides had tails beginning at 4.
Cometh the hour, cometh the captain. Joe Canti held the tail together and with a mixture of calm defence and clever strokeplay shepherded his side along. A score of 14 not out may look like a cameo, but he took his side through to an encouraging 67 from 11.4 overs. Nonetheless, the Cavaliers were confident; despite the state of the pitch, 68 from 28.2 overs was a gettable total without having to take risks. It was a great chance for us to get our first win.
As usual I opened the batting, putting my faith in Chip to back me up from the other end. Alan opened the bowling to me; there's no challenge like trying to stop your Dad from bowling you out. My first shot was an exemplary pull for four, and Chip and I faced few dramas in the first four overs, amassing 28 without too much trouble.
Once again, the captain came on and changed the game. Joe came on and bowled Chip first ball, and he had all of our top order in all sorts of trouble. Bowling fast, full and straight, Si and I both succumbed within a couple of overs of one another. An unpleasant short ball from Hammond thudded into Matt's ribs, bringing angry heckles from us on the sidelines and no apology from Hammond, and Matt departed shortly afterwards for a duck. When James was dismissed for a watchful 2 and left us 45-5 with just one wicket left, the game looked over.
At the crease were Andy, our last man with a previous top score of two, and Mike, making his début. Andy started off by taking eight runs off the last over from Hammond, who helped our cause with a few wides; then a bye from Mike put Andy back on strike. A no ball; a wide; another single from Andy. Suddenly, we were 61-5. With Alan bowling to Mike, who got off the mark with a single, then a four from Andy. Two runs for victory. One run for a tie. Alan bowling. You could have cut the tension with a butterknife.
A sudden rush of blood to the head made Andy decide that the next ball was going to the boundary. In his mind, he was already a hero. Except he strode forward and swung too soon; he missed the ball, which nipped back past him and flicked the bail off leg stump. We'd lost by a single run. Not only that, but we'd lost to a ball bowled by a Cavalier.
Arse.
Even so, I'm quite proud of my Dad. I have to be, really. He's the only Cavalier to have ever won a match. Shame it was for the other team...
A post-match collection from both sides raised £77.67 for the Dartmoor Pony Training Centre.
| Runs | 4s/6s | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| C Hammond | b J Ryder | 24 | 4/1 |
| F Boyle | b C Ryder | 1 | 0/0 |
| J Canti | not out | 14 | 2/0 |
| M Gammage | b Cahill | 6 | 1/0 |
| F Shannon | b J Ryder | 1 | 0/0 |
| P Cotterall | b A Ryder | 9 | 2/0 |
| A Barrow | b Cahill | 5 | 1/0 |
| EXTRAS | (1nb, 2b, 4w) | 7 | |
| TOTAL | all out | 67 | |
| Bowler | O | M | R | W | Econ |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| A Ryder | 3 | 0 | 11 | 1 | 3.67 |
| J Ryder | 3 | 0 | 30 | 2 | 10.00 |
| S Cahill | 2.4 | 0 | 7 | 2 | 2.92 |
| C Ryder | 3 | 0 | 19 | 1 | 6.33 |
| Runs | 4s/6s | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| R Blagden | b Canti | 18 | 4/0 |
| C Ryder | b Canti | 8 | 0/1 |
| S Cahill | b Canti | 9 | 2/0 |
| M Lissenden | b Hammond | 0 | 0/0 |
| J Ryder | b Hammond | 2 | 0/0 |
| M Tout | not out | 1 | 0/0 |
| A Ryder | b Barrow | 13 | 3/0 |
| EXTRAS | (1nb, 10w, 4b) | 15 | |
| TOTAL | all out | 66 | |
| Bowler | O | M | R | W | Econ |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Barrow | 2.3 | 0 | 19 | 1 | 8.26 |
| Gammage | 3 | 0 | 17 | 0 | 5.67 |
| Canti | 5 | 1 | 10 | 3 | 2.00 |
| Hammond | 3 | 0 | 20 | 2 | 6.67 |
Dartmoor Pony Training Centre won by 1 run.